Before I throw it out III

Saturday, July 20, 2013

I didn't want to give it up. The grades, the compliments, the prestige and esteem of higher learning---the very idea of being a student, I loved it. It was a love far from agape. It took root from pride, and that's why it was so hard to let go. The dream to be an innovative leader in the professional technical world was barely visible when I initially made the decision; it seems to have formed after the fact. Satan is using this to encourage hesitation, and it has been somewhat working for the past six months.

Yet, I don't think I have regret.
I have been able to avoid regret because I realized the severity of my misconceptions of my abilities. I am no genius, there is no prodigal potential flowing in me. Regret also doesn't work because after making this decision, I am one hundred percent sure that I would completely regret it if I chose otherwise.

I look to the future. When time is infinite and science and study are not bound by today's pretentious prestige that result in loss and loneliness, I will achieve that dream and be able to truly find answers. It will be much more fun and fulfilling then. Understanding this now will prepare me for whole-hearted glorification of the One who truly deserves it.

So in the meantime, I will develop contentment for things that are seen and desire for things that are not. Thought is the best remedy for delusion, and thought marinated in true wisdom is more potent than any all-purpose healing patch available. And hey, we've got an endless supply. Appreciation and gratitude propel guilt-free action; though our existence is a hefty invoice, a pure, sincere heart has infinite worth in the eyes of this Account Payable. I would offer nine lives (of my own) to this debtor anyday.

I will surround myself with those who feel the same way. It is an honour to be fellow workers with these ones. I will learn to love the very idea of being a clean soul. Again, it is fun to work for something of absolute worth. I will accept all training, not simply for show, but for true self-betterment, so that I may match that worth someday. Humility, I want it to take deeper root than that previous pride.

And when I'm ready to go, I will go without hesitation. There will never be hesitation if there is thorough prior thought, prayer, appreciation, gratitude. I will rely on a wisdom superior to what can be seen, IN this system, I will live with agape. This, I believe, is a dream truly worth dreaming.

Because this dream can become a reality worth realizing.